i never really played “bride”/ “mother” pretends as a child and it shows. i haven’t felt the need to be a mother or a wife at this big age, it would be nice if it happens but i wouldn’t mind it if it doesn’t. a lot of my friends are getting married and having kids but here i am planing what to do on my long weekend because what else is there for me to fucking do.

i’m not sure if i’m too comfortable being alone or if its because i haven’t met a person who has that husband/father-of-my-child potential. not gonna lie, not having a partner to share life with scares the bejesus out of me. people date to marry but i’m not sure if i have the energy for that. dating is already hard, marrying the wrong person is much much harder.

sometimes i regret not dating a lot when i was younger, i spent all my time being loyal in longterm relationshits, but it’s also a good thing since i think everyone has HIV. every guy just seems so nonchalant with wandering eyes, or broke, or too young, or married. i don’t want my sweet soul to rot just to be with someone, life’s too short for that. i want a love that drowns me with just enough space to breathe.

i did play “princess” a lot when i was younger, which probably sums up who i want to be and how i want to be treated haha

not the biggest Disney fan but my adult money and i have had a great run here lately.

if anxious attachment was a song, this would be it

i actually love myself. i like who i’ve become, the taste i curated very carefully, the morals i hold dearly. i love every fucking thing about me now 🥹

P.S. it took awhile to get here

P.P.S. still struggling

and just like that, it’s already September.

time flies when you work every goddamn day. i don’t know how many more years of 9-5 i got in me 😭 im grateful for the work i have but how long am i going to do this? till i die? yes i get to travel and stay at home, but at what cost?

i just know there’s more for me, i dont know what it is but just…more. i strongly believe in it that i can almost taste it.

i can’t imagine having this kind of breakdown with a kid. having anxiety while making a child sleep? no thanks. hehe

missing thailand like it was a person.

overconsumption will be the death of me.

this weekend felt so much like a nap that makes me want to propose a 4-day work week

having a cousin in every age group made me realize how people are getting dumber. writing in cursive is already a forgotten practice and reading is mostly performative. the lack of common sense and critical thinking will be the death of art, culture and individuality.

it makes me sad and yearn for a world that isn’t lived onscreen.

again, modernity has failed us.

caffeine thus far